...so you can't play unless you ask nicely.

***

I am in the middle of rejigging friends filters etc, so if you've suddenly been missed off or can't see half my entries or something give me a comment... same for any new readers, say hi below!

My SSM title is the "history of the medicalisation of homosexuality."

While I've been writing this, I've discovered a lot of things that were very interesting, and quite often shocked me. While I knew homosexuality was not agreed with in the past, the depth of things that happened, and views of homosexuals, was incredible to me and often very shocking.
Because of this, and in light of the fact that (unbelievably) a "gay cure" conference is being held in London today, I thought I'd publish a few facts for people to see.

Feel free to ask me more detail, or enter into debate :-p
(Warning- some of this is very shocking)


Homosexuality was not seen as wrong until the monotheistic religions came about: Judaism, Christianity, Islam.
(Although being the receiving male partner was seen as shameful)

Sodomy (normally taken to mean anal sex) was illegal from the mid-15th century until 1967 in england.

The first person to label homosexuality as a mental illness was Richard Von Kraft Ebing in 1886. By the early 1890's, he had changed his opinion dramatically enough to sign a petition to abolish the anti-homosexuality laws in his country.

Darwin due to his theories of evolution, thought homosexuality was a problem in "object choice" of mating.

Freud never developed a coherent theory of homosexuality- he thought it was due to a problem with development, but also that it was no disadvantage. He also noted that it was very difficult to "cure".

It is estimated that around 50,000 homosexuals were convicted by the Nazi regime during World War II.
5,000-15,000 died in concentration camps.
Treatments were tried on homosexuals such as castrating them and injecting them with testosterone.

During WWII, the American Army rejected ~5000 applicants, and dishonorably discharged 4000 sailors and 5000 soldiers for being homosexual.

Alfred Kinsey published a paper in 1948 on the sexual behaviours of men, and 1953 on women. Two of my favourite quotes:
"the data in the present study indicate that at least 37 per cent of the male population has some homosexual experience between the beginning of adolescence and old age.”
“28 percent [of women] had erotic experiences to other women by the age of 45; 19 percent had some type of lesbian sexual contact by age 40.”

The American diagnostic and Statistical Manual listed homosexuality as a "sociopathic personality disturbance" from when it was published in 1952 until 1973.

In the 1960's attempts were made to cure homosexuals with aversion therapy- treatments included making subjects have homosexual fantasies and then switch to disgusting images, electric shock treatment and apomorphine to induce nausea. (One man died from choking on his own vomit.)
http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/328/7437/427
Current consensus is that these treatments were nearly always unsuccessful, and often very damaging to the patients.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10627791?ordinalpos=1&itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_DiscoveryPanel.Pubmed_Discovery_RA&linkpos=4&log$=relatedreviews&logdbfrom=pubmed

Nearly all focus on homosexuality was male-male homosexuality- lesbianism was mostly ignored.

More and more research is being undertaken to prove a biological cause of homosexuality (have you seen the circular emails at KCL?)
Although how useful this is in the long run is to be debated.


Today a "gay cure" conference is to be held in London:
http://www.pinknews.co.uk/news/articles/2005-12074.html

A protest is being held against this:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/event.php?eid=71287658602&ref=ts

Let me know what you think.

And have finally managed to make it work from my phone again.

Anyone interested:
http://twitter.com/araispoetry

I can do anything, but not everything.

The best fortune cookie I've ever seen I unfortunately didn't get myself, but my friend did and we laughed for ages:

"Love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe"

Several things to consider here:

Are you single? If not (polyamory excepted) probably easier to keep it quiet.
Are you looking to actually get with them? This may factor when/how you tell them.
How well do you know them? If you don't know them that well, telling them might be a bit weird.
How do you think they will take it? If itd just be a nice compliment for them, yeah. If you'd weird them out, don't.

I have kinda a crush on my swimming coach. So many buff boys in speedos, so little time... and he's a medic, so he's smart too!

You Act Like You Are 18 Years Old

You are a teenager at heart. You don't quite feel like a grown up yet, but you don't feel like a kid. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. You're quite rebellious, and you don't like being told what to do. You like to do things your way. You have your own unique style, taste in music, and outlook on life.

Well, im progressing... last time I did it I got 15!

...To any of my friends, or indeed anyone that needs it, have a *hug*

If you need information/support on self-harm, ask go on www.lifesigns.org.uk

Or talk to me :-) I can recommend other sites or do anything else I can to help...

I'm thinking of sorting out my friends list. I need to re-jig the filters anyway, as theres people to add and things I need to sort out.


I'm aware not a lot of people read my entries any more, so please comment if you want them visible to you. Ill leave this up for a week then put a more secure filter so as to not bug people with all my entries...

I like you all, so I wont un-friend anyone, just let me know if youre interested or not :-p

when your best friend, who you dont see much, lets you down again?

this is the third time she's arranged to do something with me and just not turned up. ironically she was the one who asked to meet up in the first place...
i got really pissed at her last time, didnt talk to her for a few days and she promised not to do it again... impressive that it made a difference considering i see her once a fortnight anwyway...

she said shed come see me today at 12, its now 10 to 3... ive phoned her and texted her and no reply... the most annoying thing is i just asked her to let me know if she couldnt come... id be happy to go see her if she couldnt get here... or if she just let me know without blowing me off...

what am i supposed to do now? im so annoyed about this, but i just wanna see her, i love her to bits.

im MUDWRESTLING!!

my good friend vicci for charity :-)

be there or youll miss out on hotness....(vicci)


saturday 26th may- 2pm onwards

the paddock, 37 jackson road, newbourne, ip12 4nr

yo ppl, join my new community customise_it

yeah man :-)

i've learnt a thing or two from living at Jim's house:

Rules of housekeeping at Jims

• if a plate looks clean, its clean. just don't ask if someone licked it.
• if a plate doesnt look clean, and you pick off the bits that you can see, its now clean.
• if a saucepan had something boiled in it before, its clean.
• if you cook the same food in a saucepan twice, its fine. the same thing goes with eating the same food out of a bowl twice.
• NEVER sniff clothes to see if theyre clean- trust me, youll regret it.
• 10 second rule- food on the floor is safe to pick up and eat for ten seconds after it has been dropped.
• in the absence of clean glasses, bowls, rinsed out jars or tins are acceptable substitutes.
• tie-dye clothes dont show stains. all stains are immediately part of the pattern.
• dust is something old people worry about.
• the mould creatures probably wont kill you- at least they havent yet.
• you can eat anything with chopsticks, and they dont really need to be washed up.
• junk mail serves as useful filler for the holes in the floor.
• if all your stuff is spread out on the floor, you can find everything easily. the problem comes when more stuff is put on top of it.
• if you lose something for more than a month and dont remember, when youve found it you have no right to be annoyed it was lost.
• margarine can survive forever if it has been left out of the fridge.
• most things you can do without if you forget to buy them. toilet paper is not one of these.
• beer IS a food.
• all food is fair game, unless you specifically show it to everyone in the house and explain what will happen to them if they eat it.
• if you dont follow up your threats, they wont listen.
• jeans never get dirty. its called "vintage", "distressed", or antique".
• hp sauce is a valuable ingredient in every recipe.
• you pass out on our floor, you're going to get menaced in the morning.
• even if it smells, no-one else is going to throw it away.
• your clothes will be stolen. even if you are the only girl in the house.
• if you're prepared to wait for someone else to cook, you better not be hungry.
• in the case of raining inside, just make sure the computer isnt on the floor.
• guitar playing is allowed at all times. at midnight we switch to acoustic.
• if you don't care that you're naked, no-one else should either.
• piles of clothes make good seats- just dont lie your head on it.
• baths can't get dirty.
• whoever gets to the bread first, wins (all the bread)
• ditto for milk
• check every crumpled-up duvet for a body before stepping on it.

*this list may be added to later*

i went and asked my head of sixth form-
she said they wouldnt take the offer away, gave me a congratulatory hug (euw lol) and a leavers form, she thinks i should work full-time as ill need the money!
oh and she said to accept that place to avoid confusion! (tell them ive accepted through ucas)

dale thinks i should just quit them both if im not enjoying them. bless. lol.

my careers advisor says if i have an offer theres "not much point me being here really", that i should bring my offer letter to him tomorrow so we can scrutinise whether or not they could change their minds.
he also suggested i contact the admissions office and ask if it is unconditional dependent on my grades last year or my grades this year. after ive gone through with him tomorrow i will email the uni about it.
ive never heard of an unconditional based on grades you dont have...(!) my mate got an acceptance to a college conditional on him getting 2 E's, lol.

that id like you all to help me with.

as you know, ive got an unconditional offer for medicine in september :-) yay!
so the question now is what to do with my time.
i can either:

1). carry on as i am, working part-time at sainsburys and part-time at sixth form, with a good amount of free time :-)

2). or i can quit them both and get a full-time job until september.

id originally decided on option 1, but am now reconsidering.

arguments for option 1:

+ atm im still a bit stressed with coming off antidepressants and stuff, this gives me more free time so i dont get overloaded
+ an a-level in biology might just be useful for a medicine degree...
+ working part-time at sainsburys i can transfer it to a sainsburys in london when i go, work back here in the holidays, and i get a 10% discount card
- food is cheaper at Tesco's anyway (for those of you who aren't english these are two rival supermarkets)
- a medicine degree is going to be very busy, going from not doing much at the moment to lots and lots of work will be a shock
- i do get a bit bored at home a lot, maybe if i had more to do i could have more motivation
+ i havent really revised much for my exams anyway, so maybe theyre a waster of time... ill work on the biology but maths has gone down the toilet, not that i care.

arguments for option 2:

+ more money will definitely be good for university, at this rate i have money now, but i wont have anything saved up for when i go.
+ a different job would be good, im bored of sainsburys, and it hurts my shoulders
+ i feel like a bit of a bum at the moment
+ if i got a full-time job id probably have better holidays as well
+ a job i enjoy, or at least can use my brain for, or at least am less of a faceless minion for, would rock
- im really really paranoid that i wont get into Kings College after all for some reason, and then im fucked, i wont even have the grades for my backup plan of Biochem at Nottingham
- i get to see my friends at sixth form, so ill lose that if i leave
+ if i got a job with a regular kinda daytime kinda time schedule i can work when dales at college, and we wont only have one day a week together (sundays, when were always doing something family-related anyway)
- ive kinda used up all my sick days at sainsburys and take too long breaks, i think maybe im just running before i get fired
+ maybe i should bail out before i get fired!
- kings college accepted me on what i said i was doing at the moment, if i change it all can they take my place away?

no really, this can't be true!!



it does say unconditional, right??

...awesome :-)

She sits there,
Perfectly still
With a polite half-smile
And glassy eyes.

If you tilt her back she blinks.
That's all she'll ever do
No matter how earnestly you talk to her
She'll blink
and smile her vacant smile.

Her perfect face is too tempting.

A rap, a tap on the tabletop
and her skull is smashed open (too easily, too easy)
all there is inside
is empty space